A major factor when it comes to dealing with bullies!
Today I wanted to share with you a post from another writer who is doing a fantastic job in helping us all in dealing with bullies.
Her name is Abbey Whitehall and she really knows her stuff. Her methods are great and when you read her articles you really get a good feeling that she sure knows what she is talking about!
This post is all about what sort of behaviors you can expect from those around you when you actually stand up and make a stand against bullies, especially at work. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did! Abbey is also available for private one on one dealing with bullies coaching if you need specific and personal assistance in your own dealings with bullying. You can email her for more info at abbey@bullyblaster.com
Kind Regards,
Cameron
Dealing with bullies by making a stand!
Do you wish you knew what happens to you right after you speak up to the bully at work for the first time? You’ve never done it before. You’ve been too scared that the bully will surely annihilate you and you’ll lose your job. You want to know if it will be worth taking the gigantic risk. Is it easy? Is it scary? Is dealing with bullies worthwhile?
How will you feel?
I know exactly what happens, because I did it. But, so have hundreds of my dealing with bullies clients. The reactions and feelings are always the same. So here’s a preview of what you have to look forward to as you draw your own line in the sand with your bullies at work.
You decided weeks, maybe months ago, you were going to stand up for yourself with a great new comeback you’ve found. You’ve practiced it so you know it like the back of your hand. Its time for the dealing with bullies program to begin!
Just now, the bully insulted you again. Here’s your opportunity. Do it, do it, you tell yourself and you overcome your fears long enough to actually say it to her. But you shake inside. You feel like you’ve just jumped off a building into traffic and there’s no turning back. Was this the right thing to do?
If you have politely asked for respectful treatment, it was the right thing to do. But you’re completely unprepared for the rush of remorse you now feel. Hold on, because the initial horror of what you’ve done melts away into the best feeling you’ve ever had. Take a look at what happens next.
Only a moment or two has passed. Your hands are still cold and clammy. Your heart is pounding. You’re trembling even more inside, maybe outside now, for all you know. The voice in your mind is screaming one question after another. Was this the right time? Am I overreacting? Will she kill me for this? Will I get fired? What have I done??? Then your voice of resolve breaks in. I had to stop this sometime. It’s too important to me. I’m not taking this anymore!
Meanwhile, the bully shoots you an icy glare and says,
“Well, look who thinks she’s so smart. Who do you think YOU are, missy?”
Whoaaa, I’m in over my head, you think. My knees are wobbling so I can barely stand. I want to disappear through the floor. What now?
What can I say to save myself? What have I DONE? Can anything good come of this? ‘Cause so far, I’d rather endure bullying than this. Maybe dealing with bullies just isn’t my forte.
Oddly enough, it doesn’t seem to matter if the bully puts up a fight, or just ignores you. The remorse and discomfort you feel is the same no matter what the bully says or does. So don’t feel sorry for yourself if you have an extra vindictive bully snapping back at you. We’ve all endured it. Just hang in there. It’s all part of dealing with bullies!
Then you vaguely remember what your coach, Abbey Whitehall, said to do. OK.
Standing up for yourself really helps in dealing with bullies!
Look at the bully and shrug a little like I don’t owe her an explanation. OK, done.
Don’t say a word except excuse myself from her presence.OK, done.
Now you’re in the hall on the way to the bathroom. Ah, relief, you’re away from the bully, although you’re still filled with regret for sticking your neck way out.
But suddenly, a brand new feeling emerges.
“I did it, I did it!” you whisper excitedly. You take little jumps as you walk on. You look up to the heavens thankfully. All the weight of “Will they hate me?” thinking, lifts as you’re flooded with energy, clarity and love. Love for yourself, your life, even for the bully. Now it really doesn’t matter what they do. All that matters is this incredible, euphoric, “right” feeling that fills you. It tells you you’ve done the right thing.
When you come back to your desk, no one makes eye contact with you.
The bully flat out ignores you. That’s not unusual. They all routinely ignore you anyway. But, what is unusual this time, is a few of your coworkers DON’T ignore you. They ask you little questions about your life, without looking like they’re making a dramatic difference in their behavior towards you .
“Did you ever buy those white curtains? How was that movie? Did your in-laws visit?” they ask.
You feel uncomfortable with the attention. Dang. Isn’t there a middle ground in this where you can feel comfortable? You feel so awkward, even though you’re still glowing from your earlier dealing with bullies victory. You tell yourself to just try to act normal, like it’s the way they usually treat you. This is the way you want to be treated from now on. It’s not their fair weather attention you like so much. It’s this new, delicious feeling of respect you have towards yourself. It doesn’t need the kissing up the others are doing. You want more of this new self assurance you feel.
As you continue to float through your day, you check in with yourself to make sure it was worth risking so much to speak up. You don’t give it a second thought. Immediately you start to make plans to speak up again. Let’s see, next time she says that, I’ll…..
Make a stand to succeed in dealing with bullies!
The Total Bullying Solution!
